Fast Food Combo Ornament

Yes — the Fast Food Combo Ornament is in stock now at chive.com, hand-blown glass, burger and fries and drink in one bag. I showed the first sample to my uncle Walt, who studied it for a moment and asked, completely seriously, whether we'd gotten the drink size right. We had, and he nodded once and considered the matter settled. High praise.

It fits a stocking with room to spare, and the glass holds up to the annual stocking squeeze better than you'd guess. I stuffed one into Walt's stocking last year between an orange and a lottery ticket, and he found it, held it to the light, and identified his own order. Nobody had told him it was coming.

Buy it for the person with a standing order recited from memory at a particular window. Walt has eaten the same combo every Friday for eleven years, and when I asked him once if he'd ever consider changing it, he looked at me the way you'd look at someone who suggested renaming a grandchild. The question offended him.

Hand-blown glass first, hand-painted after — burger, fries, grease spot, everything applied in layers by an actual person. I watched a painter spend twenty minutes on the bag wrinkle alone, and when I asked why, she said a crisp bag is a lie. Walt's bags have never once arrived crisp. She was right.

It measures 3.35 inches long, 2.76 inches wide, and 3.54 inches tall, compact enough to slot into a full tree. That's roughly the size of the actual sandwich Walt orders, a comparison he made himself, entirely unprompted, while holding both items. He seemed genuinely pleased by the math.

Dust it with a soft, dry cloth and skip water or sprays entirely — they dull the hand-painted finish over time. I told Walt this and he said he'd treat it like his truck, which alarmed me until I remembered the truck is thirty years old and immaculate. Store it upright in its box. He does.

The French Fries ornament is the natural companion, essentially the same order split across two branches. My sister Nadia and Walt discovered at a family dinner that their orders overlap almost completely, which is the closest those two have ever come to agreeing on anything. The pair hangs well together. So do they, occasionally.

It ships in secure transit packaging rather than a presentation gift box — protection over pageantry. When Walt's arrived he spent longer examining the packing job than the ornament, pronounced it sensible, and saved the box. If it's going straight to someone as a gift, wrap it yourself once it lands. Walt would use newspaper.