Got you a plant. It's low-maintenance, unlike you. - Greeting Card
One Card Is Never Enough:
Pick a favorite, then grab a few more so you're not caught empty-handed next month.
Here is the plant's complete list of demands: water, occasionally, and a window with decent light. That is the entire contract. Compare this, gently and with love, to the recipient — a person whose preferences arrive with footnotes, whose coffee order requires two breaths to complete, and whose standards have never once taken a day off. The comparison is the joke, and the joke is affectionate, because high standards are not a defect; they are the natural condition of someone who knows precisely what they want and has the nerve to say so. The plant will handle being easy. Nobody else in the house has to. Happy everything.
- Occasion/category:
- Tone: Funny
- Inside status: Blank inside
- Paper finish: Uncoated/Matte
- Paper weight: 110lb
- Inclusion: White envelope
- Printing method: Letterpress
Shipping
- Free shipping: Orders $200+ within the US
- Standard: 5–8 business days, Express 2–3 business days (at checkout)
- International Ships: to 40 countries — rates at checkout
- Packaging Ships: in outer box to protect gift box
Returns
We accept returns within 30 days of delivery on unused items in original packaging. If your piece arrives damaged, contact us within 7 days with a photo and we will replace it at no charge.
Have a cool shop? Know someone that does?
Finally, Cards That Know What a Monstera Is
Round Out the Gift With These

Chin up, tits out.

I had no idea what to get you so i got you a plant ... sorry.
Cauliflower Vegetable Seeds
Pressed, Foiled, and Blank on Purpose. — Chive Greeting Cards
Inside the Chive Design Studio
No wrapping skills required. We'll make the gift look like you tried harder than you did.

