Here's a plant. It's very quiet. - Greeting Card

Regular price $4.95
Pressed Lettering
Envelope Included
30-day return policy

One Card Is Never Enough:

Pick a favorite, then grab a few more so you're not caught empty-handed next month.


Take a moment to inventory the noise: the phone that chimes, the group chat that never sleeps, the doorbell camera narrating the street, the inbox reproducing overnight. Every object in modern life has developed a voice and an urgent need to use it. Then there is this plant. It makes no sound. It has no updates, no alerts, no breaking news. It sits in the window converting light into leaves at a volume of exactly zero, and it will go on doing that for years without once requiring a response. In an economy built on interruption, silence has become the rarest material available. Here is a living piece of it. You're welcome.

Product detail
  • Occasion/category: Just Because
  • Tone: Funny
  • Inside status: Blank inside
  • Paper finish: Uncoated/Matte
  • Paper weight: 110lb
  • Inclusion: White envelope
  • Printing method: Letterpress
Dimension
  • Folded Size: 3.5 inches wide, 4.6 inches length
  • Unfolded Size: 7 inches wide, 4.6 inches length
  • Envelope Size: 3.75 inches wide, 4.8 inches length
Shipping & returns

Shipping

  • Free shipping: Orders $200+ within the US
  • Standard: 5–8 business days, Express 2–3 business days (at checkout)
  • International Ships: to 40 countries — rates at checkout
  • Packaging Ships: in outer box to protect gift box

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Returns

We accept returns within 30 days of delivery on unused items in original packaging. If your piece arrives damaged, contact us within 7 days with a photo and we will replace it at no charge.

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Finally, Cards That Know What a Monstera Is

The greeting card industry has not yet been informed that plant people exist. It knows about golfers, it knows about grandmothers, it maintains a full inventory of cards for retired admirals — but the person with forty pots, a propagation station, and a grow light with better real estate than the television? Invisible. There is no drugstore card for the day the monstera unfurls a new leaf, which is strange, because that day is celebrated harder than most weddings. We made these cards to correct the oversight. Plant people are our people — devoted, slightly unhinged, capable of grieving a fern for longer than a relationship — and they deserve stationery that speaks the language. Plant lady declarations. Monstera romance. Congratulations on the baby plant, offered with complete sincerity, because propagation is a birth announcement whether the rest of the world accepts it or not. Each card is letterpressed, foil-stamped, and blank inside, so there's room for watering instructions, a confession about the succulent you killed, or a genuine feeling smuggled in between jokes. Clip one to a cutting and it becomes a complete gift. The drugstore still hasn't noticed. Their loss, verifiably — and the monstera, for the record, has never looked better.

Round Out the Gift With These

Last minute card bought at a gas station

Nobody has ever regretted browsing past the first option. Last minute card bought at a gas station says the part that got left out of the first draft.

BFF

For the friend who hears everything and repeats nothing, BFF puts the loudest possible loyalty in the quietest format.

Bird of Paradise Flower Seeds

Raise the volume botanically instead: bird of paradise flower seeds grow the most theatrical silence in the catalog.


Pressed, Foiled, and Blank on Purpose. — Chive Greeting Cards

Chive Studio has been making things for plant people since 2004 — ceramic flowers, seed packets, pots, and now the cards to go with them — largely because we are plant people, with the windowsills and the grief to prove it. These designs are drawn and letterpressed in-house by staff who have personally apologized to a dying fern, so the jokes come from lived experience rather than market research. Foil-stamped, heavyweight, blank inside: sturdy enough to clip to a cutting, sincere enough to mean it. If the recipient names their plants, we made this card specifically for them, and we both know it.


Inside the Chive Design Studio

No wrapping skills required. We'll make the gift look like you tried harder than you did.

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Funny Card Company: The Fridge Origin Story

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Chive is a funny card company that started on a broken studio fridge and a Sharpie, not a product brief. The first Post-it note stuck to that fridge — "plant lady is the new cat...
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Frequently asked questions

Does it come with an envelope?

Yes — every card ships with a matching envelope, ready to write, seal, and send.

What size is the card?

Each card measures 4.8" tall by 3.5" wide — letterpress printed and stamped in gold or silver foil.

Is the inside blank, or is there a printed message?

Blank inside, on purpose — because you can write better than we can.

How does it ship?

Every card ships in a rigid mailer, so it arrives just as crisp as the day it was pressed.

Who designs these cards?

We do — every card is designed in-house at Chive Studio, the same way we've done it since 2004. No licensed clip art, no committee, no algorithm that thinks you'd also enjoy a golf pun. One of us thought of it, one of us pressed it, and now it's your problem.

Should I get gold or silver foil?

Whichever one you like — it's purely personal choice, and we refuse to invent a rule about it. Gold reads warmer, silver reads sharper, and the joke hits identically in both. Where a design offers both, pick the one that suits the recipient, or the one that suits you. They're not going to send it back.

What kind of paper are the cards printed on?

110 lb cardstock — the heavy stuff. Thick enough to survive the mail, the fridge door, and several years of being rediscovered in a drawer and laughed at again. Letterpress printing needs paper with some spine, and this has it.

Can you ship the card directly to the recipient?

Yes. Put their address at checkout and it goes straight to them. Just remember the inside is blank — if you want it to say something, ship it to yourself first, write the thing, and mail it like your grandmother would have. We press them; the sentiment is your department.

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Gift Guide

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Skip the guessing game. A birth flower arrives already personal, tied to the month someone was born, so the thought is built in before you've even picked the ribbon.