Anniversary, Love, & Valentine Cards

Hottie - Greeting Card

$4.95
Pressed Lettering
Envelope Included
30-day return policy

One Card Is Never Enough:

Pick a favorite, then grab a few more so you're not caught empty-handed next month.

The hottie knows. The hottie has always known. What the hottie does not always know is that the people around them have been quietly, consistently confirming the assessment for years, and this card is all those years speaking at once. Because hottie contains more than it appears to — it is not just a physical verdict, it is a frequency. The hottie makes a room feel like a better version of itself. The hottie causes the involuntary second look that the looker declines to be embarrassed about, which is precisely what separates a hottie from a merely attractive person. It is a title. This card confers it formally, with foil.

Product detail
  • Occasion/category: Anniversary/Valentine
  • Tone: Funny
  • Inside status: Blank inside
  • Paper finish: Uncoated/Matte
  • Paper weight: 110lb
  • Inclusion: White envelope
  • Printing method: Letterpress
Dimension
  • Folded Size: 3.5 inches wide, 4.6 inches length
  • Unfolded Size: 7 inches wide, 4.6 inches length
  • Envelope Size: 3.75 inches wide, 4.8 inches length
Shipping & returns

Shipping

  • Free shipping: Orders $200+ within the US
  • Standard: 5–8 business days, Express 2–3 business days (at checkout)
  • International Ships: to 40 countries — rates at checkout
  • Packaging Ships: in outer box to protect gift box

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Returns

We accept returns within 30 days of delivery on unused items in original packaging. If your piece arrives damaged, contact us within 7 days with a photo and we will replace it at no charge.

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What people are saying

Romance, Minus the Rented Poetry

The romance card industry runs on one move: rent a poet. Not a good one — a licensed one, deceased, out of copyright, whose lines about hearts entwining can be reprinted forever above a stock photo of two wine glasses at sunset. Every February the drugstore fills with this material, and every February millions of people hand their actual, specific, irreplaceable person a card written for absolutely no one. We find this insulting on everyone's behalf, including the poet's. Real love is not generic. Real love knows which side of the bed, which take-out order, which look across the room means leave now. So our love cards work the opposite way: the front says something true and slightly rude — Bombshell, Hottie, a congratulations on the fornication — and the inside stays blank, because the mushy part is none of our business. It's yours. Write the private thing. Reference the incident. Letterpress and foil make it look like a document of state; your handwriting makes it evidence. Anniversaries, Valentine's Day, or a random Tuesday when they emptied the dishwasher unprompted — the occasion doesn't matter. The specificity does — and no poet, living or licensed, can outwrite the person who was actually in the room.

Round Out the Gift With These

Here's a plant. It's very quiet.

Some jokes are better as a pair, like socks and regrets. Here's a plant. It's very quiet. handles the follow-up nobody wanted to write themselves.

Congrats! No More Walks of Shame.

When the hottie finally settles down, Congrats! No more walks of shame. marks the occasion with appropriate dignity.

Pooley 3 Ceramic Vase

The Pooley 3 ceramic vase belongs on the hottie's shelf — sculptural, photogenic, and comfortable being looked at, so they should get along.

Pressed, Foiled, and Blank on Purpose. — Chive Greeting Cards

Chive Studio has pressed paper since 2004, and in that time we've learned that romance survives on specificity, not script fonts. Our love cards are designed in-house by people in actual relationships — a detail we mention because it shows. The compliments are delivered like accusations, the anniversaries are congratulated honestly, and the inside of every card is left blank on principle: we handle the letterpress and the foil, you handle the part you'd never let a stranger write. It's a division of labor that has worked for two decades. The wine-glasses-at-sunset people can keep the sunset.

About our studio

Inside the Chive Design Studio

No wrapping skills required. We'll make the gift look like you tried harder than you did.

Funny Card Company: The Fridge Origin Story

— Todd Newgren
Chive is a funny card company that started on a broken studio fridge and a Sharpie, not a product brief. The first Post-it note stuck to that fridge — "plant lady is the new cat...
Read the full story

Letterpress vs. Digital Printing, Explained

— Todd Newgren
Letterpress vs. digital printing comes down to one physical fact: letterpress presses a raised plate into paper, leaving an impression you can feel with your fingertip. Digital ...
Read the full story

Frequently asked questions

Does it come with an envelope?

Yes — every card ships with a matching envelope, ready to write, seal, and send.

What size is the card?

Each card measures 4.8" tall by 3.5" wide — letterpress printed and stamped in gold or silver foil.

Is the inside blank, or is there a printed message?

Blank inside, on purpose — because you can write better than we can.

How does it ship?

Every card ships in a rigid mailer, so it arrives just as crisp as the day it was pressed.

Who designs these cards?

We do — every card is designed in-house at Chive Studio, the same way we've done it since 2004. No licensed clip art, no committee, no algorithm that thinks you'd also enjoy a golf pun. One of us thought of it, one of us pressed it, and now it's your problem.

Should I get gold or silver foil?

Whichever one you like — it's purely personal choice, and we refuse to invent a rule about it. Gold reads warmer, silver reads sharper, and the joke hits identically in both. Where a design offers both, pick the one that suits the recipient, or the one that suits you. They're not going to send it back.

What kind of paper are the cards printed on?

110 lb cardstock — the heavy stuff. Thick enough to survive the mail, the fridge door, and several years of being rediscovered in a drawer and laughed at again. Letterpress printing needs paper with some spine, and this has it.

Can you ship the card directly to the recipient?

Yes. Put their address at checkout and it goes straight to them. Just remember the inside is blank — if you want it to say something, ship it to yourself first, write the thing, and mail it like your grandmother would have. We press them; the sentiment is your department.
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