I'll let you enjoy my body - Greeting Card - Chive Ceramics Studio - Cards - Chive Ceramics Studio
I'll let you enjoy my body - Greeting Card - Chive Ceramics Studio - Cards - Chive Ceramics Studio

Funny Cards

I'll let you enjoy my body - Greeting Card

$4.95
Pressed Lettering
Envelope Included
30-day return policy

One Card Is Never Enough:

Pick a favorite, then grab a few more so you're not caught empty-handed next month.

Some cards require context. This is not one of them. The statement on the front is complete, self-explanatory, and delivered in a spirit of tremendous generosity — an offer announced with the confidence of someone entirely certain of what is being offered and considers the recipient fortunate, which the recipient, being of sound judgment, already does. There is nothing to decode and no fine print to consult. Letterpress has handled treaties and proclamations for centuries, and this is both at once. Say nothing clever, sign nothing, simply hand it over and let the evening reorganize itself around the announcement. Everything from here is going to go extremely well.

Product detail
  • Occasion/category: Anniversary/Valentine
  • Tone: Funny
  • Inside status: Blank inside
  • Paper finish: Uncoated/Matte
  • Paper weight: 110lb
  • Inclusion: White envelope
  • Printing method: Letterpress
Dimension
  • Folded Size: 3.5 inches wide, 4.6 inches length
  • Unfolded Size: 7 inches wide, 4.6 inches length
  • Envelope Size: 3.75 inches wide, 4.8 inches length
Shipping & returns

Shipping

  • Free shipping: Orders $200+ within the US
  • Standard: 5–8 business days, Express 2–3 business days (at checkout)
  • International Ships: to 40 countries — rates at checkout
  • Packaging Ships: in outer box to protect gift box

View full shipping policy →

Returns

We accept returns within 30 days of delivery on unused items in original packaging. If your piece arrives damaged, contact us within 7 days with a photo and we will replace it at no charge.

View full return policy →
Wholesale Inquires

Have a cool shop? Know someone that does?

Find Chive on Faire →
View details

What people are saying

Romance, Minus the Rented Poetry

The romance card industry runs on one move: rent a poet. Not a good one — a licensed one, deceased, out of copyright, whose lines about hearts entwining can be reprinted forever above a stock photo of two wine glasses at sunset. Every February the drugstore fills with this material, and every February millions of people hand their actual, specific, irreplaceable person a card written for absolutely no one. We find this insulting on everyone's behalf, including the poet's. Real love is not generic. Real love knows which side of the bed, which take-out order, which look across the room means leave now. So our love cards work the opposite way: the front says something true and slightly rude — Bombshell, Hottie, a congratulations on the fornication — and the inside stays blank, because the mushy part is none of our business. It's yours. Write the private thing. Reference the incident. Letterpress and foil make it look like a document of state; your handwriting makes it evidence. Anniversaries, Valentine's Day, or a random Tuesday when they emptied the dishwasher unprompted — the occasion doesn't matter. The specificity does — and no poet, living or licensed, can outwrite the person who was actually in the room.

Round Out the Gift With These

A fanned-out set of colorful greeting cards on a solid yellow background. The front card is lime green with black text reading 'OUR LOVE WILL NEVER DIE (UNLIKE THE FLOWERS I FORGOT TO BUY)'.

Plant lady is the new cat lady

A single punchline was never going to cover the whole year. Plant lady is the new cat lady says the quiet part this one only gestured toward.

Bestie

For the platonic wing of devotion, Bestie covers the person who gets everything except this particular card.

Edamame Vegetable Seeds

Follow through with edamame vegetable seeds — protein for a recipient who is, apparently, going to need the energy.

Pressed, Foiled, and Blank on Purpose. — Chive Greeting Cards

Chive Studio has pressed paper since 2004, and in that time we've learned that romance survives on specificity, not script fonts. Our love cards are designed in-house by people in actual relationships — a detail we mention because it shows. The compliments are delivered like accusations, the anniversaries are congratulated honestly, and the inside of every card is left blank on principle: we handle the letterpress and the foil, you handle the part you'd never let a stranger write. It's a division of labor that has worked for two decades. The wine-glasses-at-sunset people can keep the sunset.

About our studio

Inside the Chive Design Studio

No wrapping skills required. We'll make the gift look like you tried harder than you did.

Funny Card Company: The Fridge Origin Story

— Todd Newgren
Chive is a funny card company that started on a broken studio fridge and a Sharpie, not a product brief. The first Post-it note stuck to that fridge — "plant lady is the new cat...
Read the full story

Letterpress vs. Digital Printing, Explained

— Todd Newgren
Letterpress vs. digital printing comes down to one physical fact: letterpress presses a raised plate into paper, leaving an impression you can feel with your fingertip. Digital ...
Read the full story

Frequently asked questions

Does it come with an envelope?

Yes — every card ships with a matching envelope, ready to write, seal, and send.

What size is the card?

Each card measures 4.8" tall by 3.5" wide — letterpress printed and stamped in gold or silver foil.

Is the inside blank, or is there a printed message?

Blank inside, on purpose — because you can write better than we can.

How does it ship?

Every card ships in a rigid mailer, so it arrives just as crisp as the day it was pressed.

Who designs these cards?

We do — every card is designed in-house at Chive Studio, the same way we've done it since 2004. No licensed clip art, no committee, no algorithm that thinks you'd also enjoy a golf pun. One of us thought of it, one of us pressed it, and now it's your problem.

Should I get gold or silver foil?

Whichever one you like — it's purely personal choice, and we refuse to invent a rule about it. Gold reads warmer, silver reads sharper, and the joke hits identically in both. Where a design offers both, pick the one that suits the recipient, or the one that suits you. They're not going to send it back.

What kind of paper are the cards printed on?

110 lb cardstock — the heavy stuff. Thick enough to survive the mail, the fridge door, and several years of being rediscovered in a drawer and laughed at again. Letterpress printing needs paper with some spine, and this has it.

Can you ship the card directly to the recipient?

Yes. Put their address at checkout and it goes straight to them. Just remember the inside is blank — if you want it to say something, ship it to yourself first, write the thing, and mail it like your grandmother would have. We press them; the sentiment is your department.
All 12 Chive birth flower ceramics in gift-ready packaging, one for each month of the year, January snowdrop through December narcissus
Gift Guide

Birth Flowers, the Gift That Actually Means Something

Skip the guessing game. A birth flower arrives already personal, tied to the month someone was born, so the thought is built in before you've even picked the ribbon.

Ceramic Birth Flowers